though i try, my heart stays still

[airplanewishes]

though i try, my heart stays still
EXO | Suho/Lu Han | PG-13 | 20.3k~
Romance
Joonmyun really can't say that Jongdae is wrong about Joonmyun loving books more than people.

Originally written for suholiday .



though i try, my heart stays still

“Joonmyun!” Jongdae calls from the front. “The deliveries are here!”

Joonmyun, too busy with imagining what it would be like if he could go walk the long stretch of The Great Wall of China, doesn’t hear him. Instead, he just continues reading, head filled with imaginings of brick after brick of a wall that protected China for centuries.

Jongdae, looking for Joonmyun, pokes his head around the corner and frowns. The books that Joonmyun’s supposed to be shelving surround him. Sighing, Jongdae crouches down, pushing a stack of books aside to be able to do so. He looks at what Joonmyun is reading and bites back a small smile.

“Joonmyun,” Jongdae calls his attention, placing a gentle hand on Joonmyun’s shoulder.

Joonmyun jumps, as expected, and places a hand over chest. “Jongdae, you scared me,” he whines, pushing at him half-heartedly. But he closes the book he’s been reading and puts it down on the floor.

“The deliveries are here,” Jongdae tells him, rolling his eyes. “Thought you’d want to know.” Joonmyun beams at him, immediately getting up. He has been waiting, deciding to just continue shelving later as he glances at the books on the floor. He really has to learn how not to get lost in a book. “I signed them in for you,” he says, handing Joonmyun the receipts when they get to the counter.

“Thank you, Jongdae,” Joonmyun tells him appreciatively.

He picks up one of the stacks and places it on the counter. Jongdae watches with mild interest, elbow propped on the counter, chin on his palm, as Joonmyun rips the brown packaging open to reveal several France travel books.

“Perfect,” Joonmyun gushes as he picks each one up to examine the covers.

“You are such a nerd,” Jongdae comments, chuckling.

“Says the one who is taking up his masters degree,” Joonmyun shoots back good-naturedly. He puts the books down so he could pick the second package up to open it as well. “I’m not the only one who likes books.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Jongdae is quick to correct him. “I don’t like books. I like studying. The books? Not so much. If I could study without books, I would do it.” He lifts himself up to lean his hip against the counter. “You, however, love books to the point that you love them more than people.”

Joonmyun laughs, the sounds reaching probably until the shelves at the back. “If that was true, I wouldn’t keep you around,” he tells him.

“You know you don’t just ‘keep me around’,” Jongdae responds, making air quotes, “because you need help in running this bookshop of yours. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t even be here.”

“If you didn’t need the money to help pay for your schooling, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be here either,” Joonmyun replies, opening one of the books to browse its contents. “So I’d say we’re even. Friends with benefits.” He looks proud at his analogy.

Jongdae wrinkles his nose, glancing around quickly before looking back at Joonmyun. “Don’t say stuff like that aloud,” he scolds him. “You may think you’re so smart, but that’s not what it means.”

“I know what it means,” Joonmyun frowns at him, his pout naturally coming out. “I’m just saying that it applies here as well. We’re friends who benefit from each other.”

Jongdae sighs, deciding that it’s not worth discussing such a thing with Joonmyun. “Fine, whatever,” he mutters. “That doesn’t change the fact that you love books more than you love people. Because, news flash, I’m just one person. I may be the only person that you talk to on a regular basis. That’s really worrying, Joonmyun.”

Joonmyun snorts, almost unattractively. Almost because Joonmyun is always attractive, even if he doesn’t know it. “I talk to other people,” he defends himself. “There’s Shindong and Krystal. Not to mention the customers who come in here. I talk to a lot of people,” he emphasizes, looking pleased with himself. He restacks the new books and sets them aside, moving towards computer to check the inventory report.

“Shindong is the doorman of your apartment building and Krystal is the barista in the café across the street,” Jongdae tries not to laugh. “They’re not—“ He cuts himself off at the look that Joonmyun gives him. “I’m just saying,” he maintains. “You haven’t been going out.”

“And you do?” Joonmyun asks him, eyebrows raised.

Jongdae looks offended. “Of course I do,” he announces. “As a matter of fact, I’m thinking of asking out this really cute guy in my class. He’s tall, blond, wiry and has that poker face going on for him.” He grins suddenly. “Come to think about it, he seems your type. Maybe I should introduce you—“

“No, Jongdae,” Joonmyun interrupts, shaking his head. He closes the file he’s been looking at and turns towards the files stacked, his back on Jongdae. “You know I’m not one for dating.”

“When are you going to be ready?” Jongdae asks bluntly, despite his expression softening. “It’s been years since Kris. I’m sure you’ve moved on by now. C’mon, Joonmyun, you’re attractive. Lots of guys want to date you but you keep rebuffing them.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m ready to date,” Joonmyun gently reminds him, picking up the new stack of books. He walks towards the back before Jongdae can get another word out.

Joonmyun drops the new books on the nearest pushcart and goes back to shelving the earlier books. He picks up the book that he was reading earlier. He sighs as he looks at the cover. It’s about China; it’s history and culture. China. If he were honest, Joonmyun knows that Jongdae is right. It has been years—four, to be exact—since he and Kris broke up. It makes sense that he should be going out there and dating. He should be ready, and he is. Joonmyun just thinks that maybe it isn’t for him. Coasting by, flirting here and there, but not diving into anything serious seems like a good plan to not get hurt again.

Still, that’s no excuse for him to be short on Jongdae. Jongdae, in all the years that they’ve been friends, has been nothing but nice to him. Joonmyun knows that Jongdae just cares, which is why he keeps pushing the whole dating issue. However, Joonmyun really can’t say that Jongdae is wrong about Joonmyun loving books more than people. Books can’t hurt him. People can, and will.










Joonmyun watches as Jongdae locks the door and checks them, wiggling the door and making sure that the alarms are on, before taking a step back. Although he’s pretty sure no one would rob a bookshop, he can’t be too sure. Those books are his life and give him a living.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” Jongdae asks for what Joonmyun feels is the 10th time that day. “It’s not going to be rowdy. Just a couple of drinks with some people from my class.”

Joonmyun shakes his head. “I’m really okay,” he assures Jongdae. “There’s something I have to do.”

“Are you going to read again?” Jongdae asks pointedly, making Joonmyun laugh.

“I am behind on my reading,” Joonmyun admits. He pats his bag, his copy of Under the Tuscan Sun inside.

Jongdae sighs. “Okay, fine,” he says, waving. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Have fun!” Joonmyun says, and he turns to walk in the other direction. Towards home, and away from where all the noise of the city is.

Jongdae always invites Joonmyun to go out, either with Jongdae alone or with Jongdae’s friends. Joonmyun always declines because he knows he’s no fun. Joonmyun barely drinks because he’s learned a long time ago that if he weren’t going to be the responsible one, none of his friends would be able to get home in one piece. He’s not particularly good at conversation either because all he knows his books and no one really wants to listen to that.

Joonmyun shifts his bag on his shoulder as he ducks into a quaint restaurant a street away from where he lives. The tables and chairs look like they’ve seen better days and it’s slightly unkempt, but the food is good and Joonmyun is all for good food.

He takes his usual seat at the bar with the high chairs that always make Joonmyun work for getting comfortable in his seat. But he likes sitting at the bar. It’s more intimate to him for some reason. It also makes him feel less alone because he can’t see everyone else around the restaurant and get reminded that he’s having dinner for one, yet again.

“Joonmyun,” the motherly lady, who is a sister of the owner and cook, approaches him with a small notepad and pencil in hand. “It’s nice to see you again. What can I get for you?” She pauses and her smile really reminds him of the way his mom does when she tells him that it’s okay to not get an ‘A’ for his exams. “The same?”

Joonmyun laughs and nods. “The same. Baozi.” He slurs it a bit, but shrugs off the mistake.

“For one?” she asks, chuckling but looking at him with warm concern. It makes Joonmyun’s neck flush.

He nods. “Always for one,” he adds when she’s walked away.

Joonmyun swings his legs back and forth, humming some 90’s boy band song under his breath. Kris liked this restaurant. They used to come here almost everyday after high school because the motherly lady loved them so much; she always gave them extra servings. Even when they got into university, Kris always still managed to drag him back here to get their regular orders.

“It’s baozi.” Joonmyun looks to his right and sees some lanky guy, wearing shades covering half of his face, head covered up with a black beanie. He turns his head, seemingly looking at Joonmyun. But it looks like he can barely hold his head up, even though his smile is disarming. “Baozi,” he repeats, enunciating it properly.

Joonmyun chuckles, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. “Thanks,” he mutters. “Baozi.”

When Joonmyun’s food arrives, he grins at the server and digs in, forgetting everyone else around him. He’s used to this.










Joonmyun smiles as the elderly man picks up his paper bag of travel books, which he said is something for his daughter, who is migrating to London, and exits the shop. Jongdae was originally the one helping the customer out, with Jongdae taking out every travel book that he knew they had about London. But when the customer still couldn’t decide what to get after close to an hour of looking through a selection of books, Jongdae had graciously and tiredly excused himself and told Joonmyun that he’s going to man the cash register instead. It only took Joonmyun ten minutes to make the elderly man decide which book to get, much to Jongdae’s indignation.

“I refuse to acknowledge that I’m a bad sales person,” Jongdae huffs as he fixes the books left on the counter by a different customer.

“You’re not,” Joonmyun assures him in amusement. “He was just really picky.”

“And you got him to buy the most expensive book almost immediately,” Jongdae whines.

“The most expensive book was also the best one,” Joonmyun gently interjects. “We don’t just sell to earn, Jongdae. These travel books are very helpful, even to those who aren’t going to travel.”

“Right, right,” Jongdae says, rolling his eyes.

They fall into a companionable silence as Joonmyun puts the books that need reshelving into a pushcart, while Jongdae turns his attention to the open textbook beside the computer. They don’t get very many customers come in each day so Jongdae can afford to study while he’s at work. A travel bookstore has a pretty niche market, only really catering to people who love to, can afford, and hopes to travel. Even then, these people don’t always rely on books for information. Joonmyun’s store’s biggest competition is the Internet.

The bell tinkles as the door opens and Joonmyun smiles as he looks up to see a young man with perfectly done eyeliner walk inside. Jongdae glances up for a second, but doesn’t spare the customer wearing tight jeans and a vintage shirt anything more than that. But to Joonmyun, a customer is a customer, so he puts down the books in his hands back to the counter and gives his attention to him.

“Good morning! How may I help you?” Joonmyun greets him amiably.

The young man’s eyes flit at him before looking away with a bored shrug. “Just looking around,” he says in a rougher voice than Joonmyun expected coming from such a babyish, good-looking face. “Don’t mind me.”

Joonmyun nods and returns to the books and his task of sorting them out before going around to return them to their respective places. Sometimes customers come into the store just to browse around, intrigued by the idea of a travel bookshop. He finally comes around to the selection of London travel books, takes one of the thicker and more picture-filled ones and opens it.

He’s always had hopes of traveling someday, even by himself, but he’s never really thought about going to London before. As Joonmyun flips through the pages, he sees the Big Ben, the London Eye, the Tower of London, eyes flitting excitedly across the pictures, and the descriptions, mouth back to its natural pout. If he didn’t have a business to run, he probably would have traveled around the world already. As it is, reading travel books is enough for him.

“You’re cute.”

Joonmyun looks up, startled. It’s the customer. He looks even younger up close, but his eye make-up really does wonders for him, making him alluring. Joonmyun opens his mouth to say something along the lines of ‘Thank you. Did you find anything interesting?’ when Jongdae suddenly speaks up.

“Flirting with me is not allowed while I’m working,” is what Jongdae says as he finally looks up from his textbook. “It’s unprofessional.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” the customer tells him, eyes fixated on Joonmyun, which makes Joonmyun blush and Jongdae frown. He leans on the counter, eyes still on Joonmyun and smile slightly more feral. “You’re cute,” he repeats himself.

“Uh,” Joonmyun stammers intelligently. He’s had his fair share of admirers, none of which he’s actually entertained because he really doesn’t think that he has time for one. He also doesn’t have enough heart for it anymore. Relationships are tough, and even when you give all your effort for them, you never know if they’re going to work out or not. The chance of getting hurt in a relationship is always at least 50 percent.

“Say, are you interested in—“ the customer starts.

“No, he isn’t,” Jongdae interrupts, closing his book shut and facing the customer completely. His eyes are watchful. For someone who wants Joonmyun to meet and go out with more people, he sure is pretty protective. “He also doesn’t talk to strangers.”

“What are you, his mother?” the customer retaliates, almost sneering. He glares at Jongdae, who glares right back equally as threatening, before grinning sweetly at Joonmyun. “My name is Byun Baekhyun,” he introduces himself, holding out his hand for Joonmyun to shake.

Joonmyun raises his own hand to take Baekhyun’s, but Jongdae beats him to it, Jongdae squeezing extra hard. Baekhyun pulls his hand away and makes as if to lunge at Jongdae across the counter for touching him without permission.

“Kim Joonmyun,” Joonmyun interrupts the brewing fight before anything could happen. He gives Jongdae a meaningful look that has Jongdae frowning and crossing his arms across his chest.

Baekhyun, grinning at Joonmyun again, straightens his shirt as props an elbow on the counter. “It’s nice to meet you, Joonmyun,” he says. “Are you the manager?”

Jongdae opens his mouth to answer but Joonmyun silences him with a glare. “I’m the owner,” Joonmyun tells him. He tilts his head as Baekhyun stares at him with surprise before the smile goes right back on his face. “You’re not interested in travel books, are you?”

“I have a friend who is,” Baekhyun says dismissively. He leans even closer to Joonmyun. “Are you interested in taking part in some sort of social experiment?”

“What?” Joonmyun blinks at him, because that isn’t the question he was expecting to be asked. From the knowledge that he has on flirting, Baekhyun had pulled all the stops. “Social experiment?”

“Some friends and I are doing this social experiment that…” Baekhyun tries to explain then shrugs as he trails away. “Well, you’ll find out when you get there.”

“Are you trying to pick him up?” Jongdae, unable to help himself, blurts out accusingly.

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun chides him. Baekhyun’s eyes are flashing when he turns to him. “Sorry, he doesn’t mean it. He’s just really… protective. You were saying?” He’s not entirely sure why he’s indulging this stranger and encouraging him to continue inviting Joonmyun to something that could entirely be illegal and dangerous. But there’s something about Baekhyun that says he’s not the type to do that at all. Maybe it’s the boyish face.

“It’s not anything remotely illegal,” Baekhyun assures him seriously. “It’s safe. You won’t have to take off any clothes. You don’t even have to tell me your real name, although you already did that.” He smiles a softer smile. “I’d really like for you to join us. It would be really fun.” He pauses for a second. “Are you single?”

“I can’t participate if I’m seeing someone?” Joonmyun asks. The prospect of being a part of a social experiment appeals to him. Because, if it’s an experiment of sorts, it means that it’s bound to help someone out, right? Joonmyun likes that idea.

“You can,” Baekhyun says. “It won’t mean anything anyway. So are you in?”

“Hyung,” Jongdae starts warningly.

“Okay,” Joonmyun tells Baekhyun before Jongdae can get another word out.

“Really?” Baekhyun and Jongdae chorus in varying degrees of shock. Jongdae, because he knows Joonmyun’s never been particularly adventurous, and Baekhyun, probably because he really didn’t expect Joonmyun, who is a stranger, to agree.

Baekhyun looks very pleased with himself and leaves Joonmyun his card with the location of the experiment and his contact number. He winks at Jongdae, much to Jongdae’s displeasure, and hums a pop tune under his breath as he exits the shop.

Jongdae whips around with a frown so big on his face that Joonmyun laughs, pocketing the card.

“You should be careful of wrinkles, Jongdae,” Joonmyun teases him, picking up the last of the books he hasn’t sorted and puts them in the pushcart. He can sort them as he shelves them.

“Hyung,” Jongdae whines, following Joonmyun around the shop. “You can’t just agree to social experiments. You don’t know that guy. He could be a recruiter of some sort.”

“Well I’ll just have to bring pepper spray when I do go on Saturday,” Joonmyun tells him.

“Bring me instead,” Jongdae offers. “I can take him for you.”

Joonmyun raises an eyebrow that makes Jongdae blush. “I can take care of myself, Jongdae,” he says. “You’re the one who keeps telling me to go out and meet people.”

Jongdae sighs and carefully leans against a bookshelf as Joonmyun climbs up a ladder to put books back on the top shelf. “Fine,” he gives in. “But if that social experiment or whatever that is gets you into trouble, I get the right to say I told you so.”

“Okay, Jongdae,” Joonmyun agrees with a laugh.










It’s not a big building. In fact, it looks more like one of those old-fashioned apartments than the tall high-rise that he anticipated the location to be, since it is situated in the middle of the city. Joonmyun looks at the address on the calling card that Baekhyun gave him and then at the name and number of the building placed above its entrance. This is the right place.

Joonmyun makes his way to the elevator, finding the interior neatly and pleasantly decorated with older furniture. He’s supposed to go to the 5th floor, to unit number 522, where the social experiment is supposed to take place. As the elevator doors open and he steps out, Joonmyun really hopes that this isn’t any of those things that Jongdae had feared it would be.

“Joonmyun!” Baekhyun greets him as he’s ushered inside by a tall guy with burgundy hair and big ears. “Right on time! Come in!”

The room is bigger and more spacious than Joonmyun expected. The place is devoid of furniture, except for a table in the middle of the room, on top of which is a laptop connected to a video camera. Joonmyun supposes they need documentation of whatever the experiment is and looks away when he starts feeling more nervous. He looks out one of the tall windows, where the sunlight illuminating the room, giving it almost a romantic feel.

Baekhyun asks him to sit on the couch on the corner, the tall guy going back to the video camera, fixing it to face the gray backdrop on the far end of the room. There are two other people in the room, a guy with gray hair and a girl with long black hair, both manning the laptop.

“Is it just going to be me?” Joonmyun asks, hoping his voice doesn’t betray the apprehension that he feels. He wonders, not for the first time since he agreed with Baekhyun’s request, if this is doing the right thing. Then again, some excitement is due in his life. He thinks it’s about time he takes risks once in a while.

“We’re just waiting for your partner,” Baekhyun tells him with a smile. He glances at the video camera and gets the tall guy’s attention. “Hey, Chanyeol, let’s test for lighting?” He pats Joonmyun’s arm.

“Sure,” Chanyeol says, fiddling with the buttons of the camera.

Baekhyun asks Joonmyun to stand in front of the gray backdrop and right in front of the camera. Baekhyun explains that this is necessary because they want all of the subjects to look good. Joonmyun nods and just follows Baekhyun’s direction, blushing every now and then whenever Baekhyun comments on how handsome Joonmyun is.

Joonmyun is on the verge of asking just what exactly the social experiment is when the door practically slams open and a guy wearing dark jeans, a simple light yellow polo shirt, a black fedora hat and black plastic eyeglasses comes rushing inside.

“Sorry!” said guy announces, making sure to say it to each member of the crew. He drops his bag on the couch and rushes to Joonmyun’s side. “Hi!” he greets Joonmyun with a small, attractive smile.

“Hi,” Joonmyun weakly greets back.

“Looking good,” the guy named Chanyeol comments, his eyes on the small screen of the video camera.

The guy fusses with his outfit and fixes his hair and the placement of his hat and glasses. Meanwhile, Joonmyun just stands there, not exactly knowing what to do. He’s pretty sure he looks as awkward as a duck. What exactly do they have to do?

“Great! This is great!” Baekhyun announces, clapping his hands together in obvious delight as he eyes the both of them. “You guys are great!”

“So what do we do?” Joonmyun blurts out, unable to help himself any longer, and the guy beside him looks at him with a startled look on his face. The guy looks with confusion as Baekhyun starts laughing nervously. Joonmyun doesn’t think that as a good sign. “We’re not going to take off our clothes, are we? Because—“

“Baekhyun, you didn’t tell him?” the guy exclaims when Baekhyun just continues laughing.

“The social experiment is finding out what happens when you gather 20 strangers and,” Baekhyun pauses dramatically, “ask them to kiss.” Joonmyun chokes on his own breath and Baekhyun laughs rather manically. “Genius, right?”

“And for what?” Joonmyun asks, voice feeble, feeling like he’s going to faint. What exactly did he get himself into?

Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says. “But doesn’t it sound fun?”

The guy beside Joonmyun, whom he’s supposed to kiss, turns to him. He’s half a head taller than Joonmyun with dirty blond hair that looks like it’s seen better days and eyes that sparkle. It comes unbidden, but Joonmyun thinks that if he’s going to kiss a stranger, he’s lucky that it gets to be this guy. Although he’s amazed at how Baekhyun found out about his type.

“I’m sorry for my dick of a friend,” the guy apologizes. “It’s not really a social experiment,” he tries to explain. “Baekhyun and his friends get hired to make videos like this. Certain people in the fashion industry in particular commission this one. It’s going to be posted on YouTube and—“ He cuts himself off when Joonmyun sucks in a breath. “He really should have told you beforehand what this was about,” he continues, shooting Baekhyun a glare. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Hey!” Baekhyun protests. “Yes, he has to! I can’t find another guy to replace him so last minute. Joonmyun—“

“Ignore him,” the guy says, cutting Baekhyun off. He fixes the glasses on his face, making Joonmyun noticing the way his dark eyes sparkle even more in the absence of lenses. “You don’t have to do this,” he repeats. He hesitates for a second, his nose scrunching up a bit in a way that Joonmyun thinks is still attractive. “But, you know, it won’t do any harm? I mean, you know, it can be just a peck—“

“Nope!” Baekhyun loudly interjects. “I’m looking for a full on make-out session, Joonmyun!”

“It can be just a peck,” the guy repeats sternly, not even bothering to spare Baekhyun a glance, although his eyes are hard. His gaze softens when Joonmyun blinks uncertainly at him, pouting. “It won’t mean anything because, hey, we are strangers.”

Joonmyun hesitates. This guy seems like a good guy, even taking the time to explain to him what this “experimentation” actually is and talking him through the process. The emphasis on not being required to do this calms Joonmyun and assures him that it’s entirely his decision whether he wants to move forward or not.

“It has been a while for me,” Joonmyun says lamely, turning red at the admission. It really has been a while—four years to be exact—since he’s kissed anyone. “I’m not sure if…” He trails off, shoving his cold hands in his pockets.

The guy grins at him, holding his hands up. “Say no more,” he says, taking a step forward. “That’s no a problem. Besides, no one forgets how to kiss. You just have to coax it back.”

Joonmyun wants to say that he’s not sure it works like that, but then Baekhyun is laughing like a hyena in the background and coughing out what Joonmyun thinks is “flirt.” He thinks about the pros and cons. This guy is right. It’s just a kiss and doesn’t really have to mean anything—it probably won’t mean anything. Besides, isn’t he looking for some sort of thrill in his life? He also isn’t dating anyone so this should be okay. If it turns out that Joonmyun fails at the whole kissing thing because this guy can’t possibly be a bad kisser with how he’s so attractive, at the very least, Joonmyun could go and tell Jongdae that he’s been spontaneous and adventurous for once. That, and he probably won’t ever see this guy again. It seems like a win-win situation.

Taking a deep breath, Joonmyun nods. The guy smiles so wide that Joonmyun couldn’t help but worry for the way it stretches his face.

“So, uh,” Joonmyun stammers.

“I’m Lu Han,” the guy introduces himself, offering his hand for Joonmyun to shake. A Chinese name, Joonmyun can’t help but think in surprise, as he shakes his hand. He looked and sounded Korean.

“Kim Joonmyun,” he responds quietly, smiling a little.

“Nice to meet you,” Lu Han says.

They stand awkwardly—or Joonmyun does, one foot behind the other, shoulders hunched, with his hands clasped behind his back. He feels weird standing in front of a stranger he’s supposed to kiss—a man who looks like he can be a model and not just some pretty face you see in the streets. Joonmyun wonders why he was chosen for this when he remembers that this video is for some fashion thing.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Joonmyun jumps as Baekhyun yells impatiently. “Get it on already!”

Joonmyun just stands there as Lu Han comes closer to him. It’s pretty clear to both of them that Joonmyun isn’t going to be the one to initiate anything, not when he’s already so hesitant and nervous right from the start.

“I’m going to, uh,” Lu Han says, waving his hand and placing it tentatively on Joonmyun’s waist.

Joonmyun swallows nervously as Lu Han’s hand travels from his waist to the small of his back to pull him slightly nearer, his other hand reaching up to touch his cheek gently. Lu Han is so gentle and so careful, obviously not wanting Joonmyun to feel afraid about anything. Joonmyun watches as Lu Han bends down a little, face moving closer to his to lessen the distance between them.

It’s only a touch of lips at first. Lu Han’s lips are soft, warm and moist. Joonmyun’s heart thuds in his chest as they stay like this for several seconds. He can feel Lu Han’s uncertainty with how slow and calculated his movements are, like he’s making sure that Joonmyun is really okay with this; which Joonmyun is. Lu Han’s never given him a reason to doubt that if Joonmyun wanted to stop, they would. So Joonmyun assures him this by pressing his lips back, opening them a little and actually kissing Lu Han more properly in the process.

Lu Han stills for a second and then he’s kissing back with more fervor, mouth opening to match Joonmyun’s eagerness.

Joonmyun feels hot and cold at the same time with the way Lu Han pulls him flush to his chest, both arms now around his waist, Joonmyun’s own encircled around Lu Han’s neck. He knows Lu Han can probably feel the way Joonmyun’s heart is beating really hard and fast in his chest because it really has been a while. Joonmyun’s almost forgotten how much he loves kissing and how good it feels, especially when the one you’re kissing is talented at it.

Lu Han’s lips taste a bit like strawberries and with each press of their lips, Joonmyun just keeps wanting to taste a little bit more. He isn’t sure if it’s a good idea—Joonmyun really wants to taste more of the strawberries that Lu Han’s lips so invitingly offers—and lets the tip of his tongue trace Lu Han’s lower lip. Lu Han responds immediately, opening his mouth to accommodate him, and they moan simultaneously.

All the hesitation and all of Joonmyun’s apprehension fly out of the window as they continue to kiss. Lu Han holds him like he’s making sure Joonmyun stays pressed against him, which is lucky because Joonmyun’s knees feel really wobbly and he’s pretty sure he’s going to fall to the floor if Lu Han stops holding him. Joonmyun clings to him as if he’s known Lu Han for a long time. He plays with the strands of Lu Han’s hair like he’s done it in the past, tugging every now and then, feeling pleased when it elicits a thrilled sound from Lu Han’s mouth.

It’s almost as if they’ve done this a million times before and the thought that they fit so well like this, even when they’ve just met, makes Joonmyun just want to keep kissing Lu Han more.

When they part, Joonmyun keeps his eyes closed, arms still around Lu Han’s neck, still unwilling to let go. He can still feel Lu Han’s breath on his tingling lips, but he already feels the warmth leaving him and he suddenly wishes that he could keep it longer. But all good things must come to an end.

Lu Han’s lips are pink, pinker than it was before they started kissing—maybe red is the right color. Lu Han keeps on blinking, as Joonmyun removes his arms from his neck, like he can’t believe what just happened. He blushes at the thought that Lu Han’s dazed look and heavy breathing is because of him. Joonmyun can’t blame him because, wow, that was one hell of a kiss.

“You’re a really good kisser,” Lu Han blurts out before the silence could get awkward. The tone of wonder in his voice makes Joonmyun blush even more.

“You—you, too,” Joonmyun confesses.

Their eyes meet and Lu Han’s eyes seem to glisten even more than before. Lu Han smiles softly and so handsomely and, for the first time in a very long time, Joonmyun allows himself to wonder about dating again. Maybe it’s time that he does start looking at people once more, instead of burying his face in books.

The moment is broken when Baekhyun starts clapping like an idiot. Both Lu Han and Joonmyun ignore the wild, happy sounds that come out of Baekhyun’s mouth and just grins at each other. Joonmyun feels a little less uncomfortable now, his shoulders more straightened, fingers linked in front of him.

“Well, it was really nice to meet you,” Lu Han says as they shake hands again.

“Likewise,” Joonmyun couldn’t agree more.

Joonmyun just stands there, shifting in his stance, a bit unsure as to what to do next. Lu Han looks the same with the way he keeps glancing surreptitiously at Joonmyun, until he just shrugs and walks to the couch where his bag is. Joonmyun watches as he picks it up and slings it over his shoulder.

“I’ve got to run,” Lu Han says apologetically, more to Baekhyun, although his gaze is on Joonmyun. “This was… this was really nice.”

“It was,” Joonmyun agrees, laughing shyly.

Joonmyun thinks there’s something he should be doing with the way Lu Han is lingering, but before he can even think of anything, Lu Han is waving and walking out of the door.









Joonmyun was sixteen years old when he first fell in love. He was a young boy whose only dream back then was to do well in school so that he could become successful someday. No one had any doubt that he would be because he did so well in school. Joonmyun has always had good academic standing and had several extra curricular activities. Teachers had nothing but praises for him. He was the picture of a teacher’s perfect student. Even then, Joonmyun still wondered sometimes about what it really was to be successful. And for this, he looked to his dad for his definition of success.

Joonmyun’s father was a professor in one of the biggest universities in the city. He was intelligent, dedicated and well liked by both his colleagues and his students. There was no one who could say a bad thing about him because he truly was kind and generous with his time to people who needed his company. Aside from being successful in his profession and relationships, Joonmyun’s father was a good family man.

Joonmyun had grown up catching his mother and father in an embrace before breakfast, watching them holding hands under the table during mealtimes, seeing them sneaking kisses and giggling when they think they got away with it. Joonmyun doesn’t know what his friends’ parents are like, but he didn’t think he’s ever seen anyone as in love with each other as his parents are, like they’ve got no one but eyes for each other. Even after 24 years of marriage.

So when Kris Wu, basketball player and one of the so-called cool kids in school, asks Joonmyun out after one of their regular math tutorial lessons (and after crushing on him for a long time), Joonmyun doesn’t hesitate to say yes. He and Kris may not really know each other all that well, but Joonmyun wants the same happiness that his parents have been experiencing for years. He remembers thinking that, maybe, he can try finding that with Kris.

Interestingly enough, their first date goes well, even when Joonmyun knocks down Kris’s drink and drenches his pants. Kris, surprisingly taking it well, just dabbing his lap with a table napkin, orders another drink and goes on with the dinner as if nothing had happened. Kris had taken him home after that without so much as a kiss on the forehead that Joonmyun thought that was the end of it.

Oh how wrong he was.

Still, things don’t last forever; and, when they end, life goes on.

“Hyung!” Jongdae gasps out as he enters the shop in a rush. His hand is on the doorknob, head resting on the door, and hair is sticking out in several directions as he tries to even out his breathing. “I ran all the way—sorry, I’m late.”

Joonmyun looks up from the cash register and takes in Jongdae’s disheveled appearance. It’s obvious that he’d woken up late again, probably due to studying up until the wee hours of the morning.

“Go and freshen up in the back and then you can start your shift,” Joonmyun says with a smile. “I need to go and run some errands.”

It doesn’t take Jongdae long to fix himself up and, before Joonmyun knows it, Jongdae is already behind the counter with him.

“Hey, hyung,” Jongdae starts as if suddenly remembering something. He makes his way behind the counter and punches in his code in the computer. “How did that thing with that horrible Byun Baekhyun go?”

Joonmyun jumps at the sudden question, and reminder, that Jongdae raises his eyebrows in amusement and interest. Joonmyun hasn’t thought about what happened in a long time—in two weeks—and he thought he had forgotten all about it, until Jongdae had brought it up just now (and all those nights he couldn’t stop thinking about how perfectly that kiss was).

“It was okay,” Joonmyun tells him, one of his shoulders lifting awkwardly in nonchalance. “It wasn’t anything like we both thought it could be.” It was more.

Jongdae is quiet for a second, which has Joonmyun hoping that he wouldn’t ask any more questions. Because if Jongdae asks more questions then Joonmyun would have to answer and he would have to think more about Lu Han and how he hasn’t really been able to forget him and that one stupid (really mind blowing) kiss.

“Okay,” Jongdae finally says and Joonmyun sighs in relief. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Joonmyun says. He makes his way to the door, opening it before turning to Jongdae again. “Let me know if there are any problems,” he reminds him, holding his mobile phone up.

“Sure—oh, hyung, watch out!” Jongdae yells

Joonmyun swerves out of the way before he could slam into the customer that’s coming in. There’s no harm done because the customer veers away as well, cursing under his breath in what Joonmyun recognizes as Mandarin. Joonmyun apologizes without even bothering to give the man a glance, catching a whiff of something familiar, but he shakes it away and walks out.










Joonmyun pulls at the sleeves of his sweater to cover his hands. The sun is shining brightly outside, the rays hot enough to allow people to wear just one layer of clothing. But he gets cold even in the hottest of times so this weather just makes him want to curl up in an even thicker sweater than he has on. The gust of breeze from the air-conditioning vents of the floating bookstore doesn’t help his situation, making him shudder all the more.

He chuckles like a little boy as he makes a small hop in between the stairs and the entrance. Joonmyun can see the waters sloshing against the edge of the dock as he looks through the gap and tries not to think so hard of the disastrous beach trips he’d taken with Kris.

The floating bookstore travels around the world and makes stops in different countries to sell books and, in turn, get donations. Joonmyun has heard about the floating bookstore taking a stop in the country several times, but he’s only ever really gone once. It’s been five years since then.

He walks past the lobby, after the orientation sitting in a mini boat, and looks around in wonder as he surveys the shelves and shelves of books. Joonmyun remembers thinking that the floating book fair was amazing when he’d gone with Kris, who had gushed about it and flitted about like a child. It’s the same as he remembered, except now he’s the one flitting about like a child. There are so many books that Joonmyun doesn’t know where to begin to look. They have books about everything and for any kind of person, whether young and old. They even have textbooks for students, all of which are sold at a much lower price. So it isn’t really a surprise that the ship was already a bit crowded, even though it wasn’t even lunch.

When Joonmyun had heard that the floating book fair was coming again, he couldn’t wait to go. Being a bookstore that’s inside a ship that traveled around the world for most of the year, he figured that there had to be travel books in it, too. He’s always looking for new material to sell in his store and book fairs always help.

Joonmyun hasn’t always been a fan of reading. When he was a student, he dreaded reading even though that was the primary way to get and retain information so he could do well in school. Kris, meanwhile, had enjoyed reading a lot. Kris always carried a paperback of some sort wherever he went. It confused him in the beginning because Kris was an athlete and athletes (although it seemed like Joonmyun was stereotyping him) don’t normally like reading. But Kris had been different, and him enjoying reading books was one of the things Joonmyun liked most about him.

After an hour of browsing through various genres and titles and only finding three travel hardbound ones that he wants to get, Joonmyun makes his way to the small café-slash-snack bar to get a sandwich before he paid for his purchases and left. They don’t have any of the sandwiches that Joonmyun likes, so he settles for a cookie and bottled water. Better to eat something than nothing. He can get something before he goes back to the shop.

Settling into a table at the corner, he wraps his arms around his middle, glancing up at the offending air-conditioner aimed right at him, before picking up his cooking and taking a small bite on one side.

“Joonmyun?”

He almost drops the cookie in his surprise. It’s that voice, that gentle manliness, mellifluous tone that Joonmyun couldn’t forget. When he looks up, Joonmyun does drop his cookie, mouth hanging open. And there he is, the tall, good-looking guy with dirty blond hair and sparkling eyes that Joonmyun never thought he’d see again. He blinks several times in amazement.

“Lu Han,” Joonmyun chokes out, straightening up as if to stand but not entirely sure if it would be creepy if he looked too eager to see him again.

Lu Han easily slides onto the seat across from him, taking care of Joonmyun’s dilemma, and grins as he places a stack of books on the table. He raises an eyebrow at Joonmyun’s fallen cookie, before saying, “It is you.”

“It’s me,” Joonmyun agrees, nodding several times before he catches himself. “I mean—hi,” he says and laughs. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Lu Han returns, laughter crinkling the sides of his eyes, lips stretched wide. “I didn’t expect to see you here, of all places. Or maybe I should have.”

Joonmyun leans back on his seat, eyebrows raised in question. “What do you mean?”

“I know about your bookstore,” Lu Han tells him, glancing at the smaller stack of books that Joonmyun has on the seat beside them. “I wasn’t stalking you,” he adds hastily when Joonmyun’s mouth forms an ‘o’ in surprise. “Baekhyun mentioned it so I figured…” He shrugs, looking away and staring at some random book ad on the side. “I was looking for books in my defense so…” His eyes flit to Joonmyun’s, which are filled with laughter.

“I didn’t say anything,” Joonmyun tells him as he holds his hands up as if in surrender. “Were you looking for anything in particular, though? Maybe I can help?”

Lu Han shifts in his seat, fingers tapping the edge of the wooden table, before he answers, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “Language books,” he mutters. “For, uh, learning foreign languages.”

Joonmyun presses his lips together in an attempt not to burst out laughing. Lu Han is so much more entertaining that he remembers. Although they barely got the chance to talk before they went right into more interesting things… Not that kissing someone is more interesting than actually getting to know them. But if he thinks about it, kissing can be seen as one way to get to know someone—Joonmyun really has to shut his brain down.

“Did you find anything here then?” Joonmyun asks, even though he can’t quite wrap his brain around the fact that Lu Han was looking for him.

Lu Han tilts his head slightly to the side. “It was worth the trip,” is his answer, which, for some reason, makes Joonmyun blush. Suddenly, he’s leaning against the table, his fingers tapping even more incessantly. “Listen, I was thinking—“ He curses as the ringing of his mobile phone cuts him off. He fishes for it in his pocket and moves to answer it when the ringing stops. Gritting his teeth, he looks up at Joonmyun apologetically. “I have to go. But…” He pauses for a second before sliding his phone across the table towards Joonmyun. “We should hang out some other time.”

“Oh,” Joonmyun says, another blush creeping to his cheeks, even though an exchange of numbers doesn’t really mean anything anymore in this day and age. He’s just acting like a high school boy. He would love to see Lu Han again, though, so he inputs his number carefully into Lu Han’s phone and presses the call button afterwards. When Joonmyun’s phone rings, he returns Lu Han’s phone to him. “Now I have yours, too,” he says with a grin.

“I’m glad we ran into each other,” Lu Han says as he moves to get up, picking up his books.

“Me too,” Joonmyun says with a smile that’s probably threatening to break his face. It’s the smile that Jongdae always tells him is like that of a greasy shark’s, although Joonmyun doesn’t know how Jongdae knows that. As far as Joonmyun knows, sharks don’t really smile. That’s just the way they look.

Joonmyun leans back on his seat and stares at his forgotten cookie. His stomach is still fluttering, but he doesn’t think it’s because of hunger anymore.










Joonmyun hums a popular pop song under his breath as he does the weekly inventory, going from shelf to shelf to make sure that they have enough books for certain countries and authors. It’s a task that he hates doing because it just stresses him out when he finds out that he has to go and buy newer books to offer, which sometimes the bookstore’s finances isn’t ready for. He can’t assign it to Jongdae either because Jongdae has enough on his plate without having to worry about anything else. Although Jongdae’s just finished with his exams and has been, therefore, been coming to help Joonmyun out in running the shop. Maybe Joonmyun could hand the inventory job to him next week. Joonmyun knows that Jongdae wouldn’t say no, even though he would whine about it. He really appreciates that Jongdae is so willing to help out, when he could just hang out with his friends like he’s always inviting Joonmyun to do. He smiles, comforted that there’s someone so willing to lend him a hand.

“Hey!” Jongdae suddenly calls, poking his head around a shelf. “There’s a Lu Han guy upfront looking for you.” Joonmyun’s head immediately goes up at this, his attention floating away from his work. “He’s apparently picking you up because he says you’re going out.”

Joonmyun averts his gaze from Jongdae’s knowing grin and closes his notebook, taking note of where he stopped. He can go back to doing inventory later, knowing the shop like the back of his hand. “Tell him I’ll be right out,” he says, trying to keep his voice even.

Joonmyun can hear the smirk in Jongdae’s voice as he says, “I can’t believe I have to find out like this! So that’s where you’ve been disappearing to—Lu Han. He’s cute! I mean like he looks really young, but I bet he’s a monster in bed because you know how looks can be deceiving—“

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun interjects. He and Lu Han don’t have that kind of relationship, even if Joonmyun may have entertained such questions about Lu Han’s preferences in his head.

“My point is you’ve been going out behind my back!” Jongdae continues as if he hasn’t just barged in straight on into Joonmyun’s personal life. “I’m hurt!” He has both hands clutched to his chest when Joonmyun looks at him, lips quirking.

“I’m not going out with anyone behind your back,” Joonmyun tells him, slightly sucking on his lower lip. His cheeks feel warm from the insinuation that he and Lu Han may be having that kind of relations—the kind where Lu Han takes him out on a sweet date and then has mind-blowing sex with him afterwards. He tucks his notebook under his arm and follows Jongdae to the front of the shop. “You know everything that’s going on with me.”

“Not this one!” Jongdae points out. “You never told me about Lu Han. You’ve never—“ He snickers as he elbows Joonmyun. “You’re blushing,” he sighs and shakes his head. “My, my. Where did you even meet him? How come I never knew you did things like meet people outside of this bookshop?”

Joonmyun just elbows him right back, harder and right in the ribs. Jongdae grunts. He’s rubbing where he got the brunt of the contact when Joonmyun sees Lu Han leaning against the counter, flipping through the pictures of a Europe travel book. Lu Han’s in a simple shirt and jeans outfit, but he doesn’t look less like a model. His hair is pushed back today, which he’s been doing more often. Joonmyun likes to think it’s because he accidentally let slip that he likes it, but of course he knows better than to think anything Lu Han does is because of him.

Lu Han closes the book and puts it down as soon as he sees Joonmyun. Grinning, he shifts his body bag on his shoulder. “I’m early, aren’t I?” he asks, glancing at the wall clock behind the counter.

Joonmyun shakes his head as he makes his way behind the counter to put the inventory notebook inside one of the drawers. He fiddles with the computer and signs out of his name. Jongdae can sign in under his own name when Joonmyun leaves. Joonmyun shouldn’t worry. Jongdae knows what to do when he’s not around.

“Just in time,” Joonmyun tells Lu Han. “I was just finishing up.”

“Where are you guys off to?” Jongdae asks and Joonmyun jumps a bit because he’s forgotten that Jongdae is there. Lu Han opens his mouth to answer before he continues. “I’m Jongdae by the way. In case, Joonmyun’s forgotten.”

Joonmyun opens his mouth and closes it again in a poor, and probably more ugly, version of a fish. Giving Jongdae an apologetic glance, he turns to Lu Han, whose eyes are dancing with hilarity. Joonmyun hopes he doesn’t think that he does this all the time, forgetting to introduce people and being rude.

“This is Jongdae,” Joonmyun says, words overlapping in his hurry. “My best friend. He helps me up around here.” He turns to Jongdae with a pout. “Jongdae, this is Lu Han, my…” Swallowing, he looks back at Lu Han, who just stands there, a smile on the corner of his lips, and waits for him to continue. He’s not entirely sure what Lu Han is but he can’t very well introduce him as his crush. That wouldn’t be appropriate. “He’s my friend.”

“We’ve already met,” Jongdae tells Joonmyun. Lu Han laughs and Joonmyun frowns at the both of them, crossing his arms across his chest as Jongdae joins in the laughter. It does make sense that Jongdae and Lu Han would have already met and would have talked with Lu Han had been coming to the shop way before they talked about it.

“Well then,” Joonmyun says when he finds his voice. “If you’re both done…” He pats his pocket to make sure that his phone and wallet are there before leaving the counter. He glares at Jongdae. “Just call if any problems arise,” he tells his best friend, sighing when Jongdae just nods, unable to say anything in between his peals of laughter.

“See you, Jongdae,” Lu Han says, mock saluting him as they walk out of the shop.

“I can’t believe Jongdae has found an accomplice in you,” Joonmyun mutters when he and Lu Han had walked for a bit. He shakes his head when Lu Han bursts into laughter, his pink lips spreading into one of those wide smiles that Joonmyun’s growing fond of.

Joonmyun was in the middle of shelving things when Lu Han had called him. He’d dropped several books in the process, causing quite a ruckus that Jongdae had left his post in front to check what’s going on. Joonmyun must have looked silly when Jongdae found him, standing in the middle of fallen books with a phone pressed to his ear.

It hadn’t even taken a day when Lu Han had called Joonmyun, much to Joonmyun’s delight. Lu Han had mentioned that their meeting at the floating book fair had been way too short and that he’d like to meet up to talk some more. Joonmyun wasn’t going to say no to that.

Soon enough, one meet up became two and then three, until such time that Joonmyun can’t really count them in both his hands and feet. Lu Han usually calls to schedule a get together, although Joonmyun thinks it’s unnecessary because they’ve been meeting up almost everyday after work hours anyway. This is the first time, though, that Lu Han’s dropped by in the shop to pick him up. Usually they would just see each other at their meeting place.

“It’s so fun teasing you,” Lu Han says, putting an arm around Joonmyun, which Joonmyun likes because Lu Han’s so warm.

Joonmyun supposes there isn’t much he can do about it. Lu Han likes teasing him a lot and Joonmyun lets him because there’s always that special twinkle in Lu Han’s eyes when he does and Joonmyun gets to see his laughter.

“What we doing today?” Joonmyun asks, moving closer to Lu Han in an effort to keep even warmer. It’s always different every time they go out. They’ve been to different cafes, to museums, to book fairs, to food fairs that Joonmyun is always so pleasantly surprised. He’s never gone out so much before. Not even when he was still with Kris.

“I was thinking some snacks,” Lu Han says, pursing his lips as he pauses afterwards. “And what do you say to catching a movie?”

“A movie? Really?” Joonmyun responds, shivering a little at the thought. Or maybe it’s because he’s pulled away from Lu Han so he could look at him. They’ve never gone to a movie before. Joonmyun’s always thought that it was probably a bit too date-like for them to do since they aren’t dating.

“Is that okay?” Lu Han asks, worrying his lower lip. Joonmyun doesn’t know what to think.

“Of course,” Joonmyun tells him with a smile. Why wouldn’t he want to watch a movie with an incredibly attractive guy? He’s probably seeing someone because why on earth would someone like him, who handsome, funny, and too smart for his own good be single? “What are we seeing? I haven’t seen The Fatal Encounter yet.”

Lu Han laughs and it floats through Joonmyun’s ears like music. “I was thinking a movie that’s more—” Lu Han pauses to slightly tilt his head and look up as he figures out how to phrase things. “—my taste probably, but hopefully not unwelcome to yours.”

They don’t go to a mall, not even a movie house, like Joonmyun was expecting. Instead they go to a university, Joonmyun’s university.

Joonmyun is quiet as he watches Lu Han pin his identification card on the collar of his shirt and follows him when they walk across campus towards the arts building. It’s been a while since he’s been back here, never really making it a point to visit and replay memories. He and Kris have been broken up for a long time and Joonmyun has long since accepted that and has certainly moved on. But that break-up really hurt him and still confuses him as to what things he really wants.

“Do you… go here?” Joonmyun asks, lower lip in between his teeth as they enter the auditorium where Joonmyun had given a speech before. He’s always figured that Lu Han was somewhere around his age, but they’ve never talked about it. Lu Han may be younger than he originally thought.

“Oh, no,” Lu Han says, shaking his head as he switches the lights on. “I actually teach English and Mandarin to the students. Just started this year actually.” He grins.

“A foreign language professor,” Joonmyun says, eyes wide. He knew that Lu Han taught English and Mandarin, but he didn’t know that he was a professor. “How have we not talked about this? Is there anything else I should know about?” They talk about everything and anything under the sun, but, apparently, they still have a lot to learn about each other.

“Nothing life threatening, I promise,” Lu Han says, winking. Joonmyun coughs and looks away to hide his pinking face.

They take their seats right in the middle, where the best view of the movie is, according to Lu Han. The lights dim as Joonmyun wiggles around in his seat to make himself comfortable. He remembers his three-hour lectures in this hall would always make his butt and his back stiff once they were done.

“Are you okay?” Lu Han asks, his amused laughter echoing.

Joonmyun leans back on his seat and points at the stage. “I delivered a speech—more of an oral presentation maybe—right there,” he shares, voice lowering to a whisper even though they’re the only ones there.

Lu Han stares at him. “You went to university here?” he asks.

“Graduated four years ago,” Joonmyun tells him.

“I almost studied here,” Lu Han says, leaning closer to Joonmyun so that their forearms are touching on the armrest. “But I decided to finish university in Beijing and then moved here two years ago to do some further studies.”

Lu Han is amazing, Joonmyun thinks, as they fall into silence when the opening music and credits roll in. Lu Han had gone to university to study to be proficient in both Korean and English, while perfecting his Mandarin. After graduating from university, he went to London to practice his English further and then moved to Korea to practice and teach the Korean language. Lu Han’s thirst for adventure and learning is so cool and interesting that Joonmyun wonders what happened to his own zest for living.

“So are we watching an English movie?” Joonmyun asks, shifting in his seat and wiggling his feet. He hasn’t seen an American film in a long time. “I hope this has subtitles.”

“It’s a French film,” Lu Han corrects him. His voice wavers that Joonmyun has to look at him, curious. “I’m learning French right now, on the side.”

“On top of all your teaching?” Joonmyun asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” Lu Han says, shrugging like it’s nothing, while Joonmyun just thinks it’s remarkable. “Anyway,” he continues, facing the screen. “This has subtitles so you shouldn’t worry about that.”

It seems like it’s a good movie. Or, at least Joonmyun thinks it might be a good movie if he was paying enough attention to it. The thing is, he can’t pay attention because, the entire time, Lu Han keeps on repeating the French words and sentences under his breath, and Joonmyun can’t help but think how sexy it sounds.

Joonmyun shifts in his seat, grips the armrests rightly, and looks intently at the screen. He can read the words, the translations, but nothing seems to be getting in his head. Lu Han is still speaking French beside him and all Joonmyun wants to do is climb onto his lap and taste the French that’s coming from his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Joonmyun jumps when Lu Han leans close, their arms brushing.

“Fine,” Joonmyun coughs, lifting his right hand to cover his mouth and to pull it away from Lu Han’s touch. “Just… hard to concentrate. I’m not used to watching movies with subtitles.” Lu Han leans back on his seat. “But I really like it!”

“Really?” Lu Han’s lips twitch. “What do you like about it so far?”

“I—“ Joonmyun opens his mouth and closes it several times, trying to think of something to say, something that he may have picked up in the few minutes that he did pay attention until the curling of Lu Han’s tongue around French tones and syllables. “I just like how it sounds,” he finally finishes, looking down and pouting.

Lu Han laughs and Joonmyun flinches to shush him, until he remembers that they have the whole place to themselves. Joonmyun clasps his hands together and pins them in between his thighs as Lu Han’s laughter echoes around them, melodious and pretty. He wants to bottle it up and keep it wherever he goes.

Lu Han does stop laughing, but he also raises the armrest between them and moves closer to Joonmyun. “Cute,” is what Joonmyun thinks Lu Han says but he can’t be sure, because why would Lu Han even call him cute?

“What are you doing?” Joonmyun mutters when Lu Han presses even closer and rests his chin on Joonmyun’s shoulder.

“Je vais parler français dans ton oreille,” Lu Han tells him. Joonmyun shivers as his lips brush his ear. “I’m going to speak French in your ear.”

Joonmyun swallows and grips his hands tighter. He’s not entirely sure what he’s gotten himself into because he and Lu Han have gone out before, but they weren’t really dates, not exactly. They talked a lot and they’ve gotten to know each other better, but they’ve never really flirted If what Lu Han is doing, speaking into his ear, lips brushing against it every single time is flirting. He’s torn whether we wants to lean closer to Lu Han or fall to the floor and curl up on himself. Lu Han doesn’t even have to translate. He could be saying gibberish and Joonmyun would still swoon.

He tries to breath in and out as normally as he could, his eyes fixed on the screen, when Lu Han leans close again.

Je suis heureux que tu aies accepté de regarder ce film avec moi, même si tu ne le comprends pas,” Lu Han goes on. “I’m happy you agreed to watch this movie with me even if you don’t understand it.”

Joonmyun chuckles, bringing his hands to his cheeks. “I’d like to think I could be adventurous, even just a little bit.” His voice does not come out squeaky.

“Tu es,” Lu Han answers. His smile is brighter and his eyes are twinkling even more, too, like there’s something else he wants to say. But, of course, he doesn’t say it. “You are.”

“Okay,” Joonmyun says, lengthening the way he says the vowels. He wiggles a bit in his seat, which ends up with him sitting even closer to Lu Han, who, for some reason, now has his arm around Joonmyun. “Thank you?”

“Je pense que je suis vraiment...” Lu Han continues, pausing and then shaking his head. “I—“

Joonmyun jumps when his mobile phone starts ringing and scrambles to turn his phone silent. Pocketing it again, he smiles sheepishly at Lu Han. “Just Jongdae,” he says. “Not important.” He faces him, making a mental note to remind Jongdae to learn not to ruin important moments. “Where were we?”

Lu Han squeezes Joonmyun closer to him and leans his head against Joonmyun’s head. “Let’s finish the movie,” is all he says.

Joonmyun shivers.










“So!” Jongdae announces his arrival with a loud clapping of his hands. Joonmyun jumps and hits his head from where he’s getting files under the counter. He leans over the counter and laughs when Joonmyun emerges with a hand behind his head. “You okay?” he asks, failing to sound concerned amidst the laughter still spilling from his lips.

“Fine,” Joonmyun says, still rubbing the back of his head. “What are you so excited about?”

“I’m going out on a date,” Jongdae tells him, pulling himself up on the counter and swinging his legs. “Remember that guy in my class that I said was really cute?” Joonmyun shrugs at him. “You know, tall, young, wiry, poker faced? I was going to get him to ask you out so we started talking because, of course, I wasn’t going to let just anyone ask you out—what if they turn out to be jerks? His name is Sehun and—”

“I’m very flattered that you’re so concerned for me,” Joonmyun says, clutching the nearest book to his chest. Jongdae is one of the kindest people he’s met and he’s constantly reminded how lucky he is to have him as a best friend. “But you know that you don’t need to look out for me, right? I can get a date on my own.”

“Of course you can,” Jongdae says, smirking. “Example number one—actually, the only example is Lu Han, I mean if you don’t count Kris.” He raises his hands up in defense. “Whom we’re not counting!”

Joonmyun puts the book down and shakes his head. “Lu Han and I aren’t dating,” he corrects him. He wishes he were, though. Lu Han is smart, funny, intelligent, and ambitious. Not to mention that he’s also handsome and a very good kisser. Why wouldn’t Joonmyun want to be dating him?

“You’re kidding, right?” Jongdae has that look on his face that tells Joonmyun that he doesn’t believe him one bit and how did you get honors in school when you’re clearly stupid? But as much as Joonmyun would like to think that he is kidding or that he is stupid, he isn’t.

“We’re really not,” Joonmyun insists, leaning against the counter. “Believe me, if we were, you’d be the first to know.” He smiles at the way Jongdae frowns at him and slaps his leg. “Get off the counter. We have a bookstore to run.”

“Hyung,” Jongdae start, and Joonmyun knows what he’s going to say.

Jongdae would tell him that Joonmyun doesn’t know for sure because he and Lu Han never talked about it. But if Lu Han really wanted to go out with him, why didn’t he just ask Joonmyun out? They’ve already kissed. What else is stopping him if not for the fact that Lu Han really just sees Joonmyun as a friend?

Of course there is the argument that Joonmyun could be the one to ask Lu Han out? Joonmyun would really rather not get rejected right to his face. He’s been through the pain of rejection before. He’s not going to do it again, especially when he really likes hanging out with Lu Han, even if they’re just friends.

“C’mon, Jongdae,” Joonmyun says, tapping Jongdae’s thigh again and turning his back on him, hoping that Jongdae would get the hint. Jongdae does and slides off the counter. “We’ve got to—“

The bell rings and the door opens. Joonmyun’s face lights up when he sees that it’s Lu Han with his big, bright smile and his melodic laughter that Joonmyun won’t ever get sick of. Joonmyun opens his mouth to greet him as he walks inside when another guy follows Lu Han. He’s shorter than Lu Han, maybe around Joonmyun’s height, with slightly spiky orange-ish hair, round face and a very attractive smile, the kind that makes you want more. He and Lu Han are laughing with Lu Han’s arm around him. Joonmyun takes a deep breath.

“Joonmyun!” Lu Han greets, dropping his arm from around his friend and waving at Joonmyun. “Just the man I wanted to see.”

Joonmyun smiles, ignoring the way Jongdae snickers behind his hand because Joonmyun had accidentally elbowed the book off the counter and to the floor. “I’m here,” he says. “We just opened, actually,” he adds, and then elbows Jongdae, who starts laughing even more.

Jongdae picks up the book that has fallen to the floor and puts it back on the counter. “Who’s this?” he asks, nodding at Lu Han’s friend. Joonmyun grips the edge of the counter.

Lu Han’s smile grows wider and brighter as he slings an arm around his friend, who shakes his head and chuckles. He steps forward just as Lu Han introduces him. “This is Minseok,” he says with flourish. “Minseok, this is Joonmyun and Jongdae.”

“It’s finally nice to meet you, Joonmyun,” Minseok says, shaking Joonmyun with both hands, with Joonmyun returns equally, hopefully with as much warmth as he can muster. For some reason, Joonmyun’s hands feel cold. “Lu Han’s told me all about you. All good things, I promise.”

“Oh?” Joonmyun says, stepping back when he takes his hands back. He glances at Jongdae, who has an amused expression on his face. “Now I wish he’s told us about you as well.”

“Figures,” Minseok says. “Lu Han kind of likes keeping me a secret, like a secret life or something.” Lu Han frowns and makes at face at him until Minseok snickers. Joonmyun stomach swoops like it’s on a rollercoaster.

“I’m sure,” Joonmyun responds, chuckling when Lu Han frowns at him, too. “There’s still a lot about Lu Han that we don’t know. But it’s nice to meet you.” He pulls out two stools from behind the counter and brings them out so Lu Han and Minseok can sit.

“How did you guys meet?” Jongdae asks when Lu Han and Minseok get settled. He pushes aside several books that are sitting on the counter and leans on them.

“We go way back, Minseok starts. “My parents moved to Beijing in the middle of high school and it so happened that Lu Han went to the same school as I did. We became friends and continued to go to the same university.” He looks at Lu Han, who reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. He shifts his seat closer so that Lu Han’s arm falls around his shoulders instead. “When Lu Han went to London, I moved back here.”

“Minseok is my…” Lu Han laughs when Minseok raises an eyebrow. “He’s my baozi.” Something about that triggers some sort of memory in Joonmyun’s head, but he can’t quite place it so he ignores it.

“A steam bun?” Jongdae clarifies.

Lu Han nods, smiling at Minseok with something like stars in his eyes. “He’s very special to me,” he says. Jongdae raises an eyebrow at this before looking at Joonmyun.

Joonmyun swallows and looks away, finding his fingernails interesting instead. Of course. Of course Lu Han has someone special in his life. He wasn’t lying when he said that he didn’t know much about Lu Han. They haven’t gotten to that part of their friendship where they talked about relationships. Either way, Lu Han is amazing, intelligent, and handsome. It would be weird if he didn’t have anyone special in his life. He smiles at this and shakes his head before giving Jongdae a look that says see.

“That’s a long time,” Jongdae tells them. “Congratulations.” Lu Han and Minseok both nod with equal smiles on their faces.

“I think it’s something to celebrate,” Minseok agrees. He looks at Joonmyun, smirking. “I don’t think I need to ask how you two have met.”

Joonmyun flushes to the roots of his hair, stumbling from where he’s leaning on the counter and toppling some books to the floor. “Sorry,” he mutters as he scrambles to pick them all up and places them back on the counter. Minseok’s laughter makes Joonmyun’s cheeks feel hotter. He doesn’t even dare look at Lu Han. How embarrassing is it to know that Lu Han’s boyfriend knows that they met through a kiss? “But, uh, yeah, I’m, uh, that wasn’t anything, um… I’m sorry about that.”

“You are?” Lu Han asks and Joonmyun looks at him. There’s a strange look on Lu Han’s face that he hasn’t seen before, but it passes quickly before Joonmyun can scrutinize it. “I mean,” he continues, laughing. “Of course. It wasn’t a big deal.” He slaps Minseok on the arm.

Joonmyun forces himself to laugh along before deciding he’s had enough of this and tapping the books on the counter. “I really have to go to work,” he tells him, smiling a little as he nods to the shelves. “These won’t shelve themselves.”

“I can do that—“ Jongdae starts but Joonmyun shakes his head.

“I’ll do it,” Joonmyun insists. “It’s really nice to meet you, Minseok.” He bows at him and then at Lu Han before grabbing the books and disappearing to the back.

When Joonmyun is sure that he’s out of sight, he puts the books down on the floor and sits down beside the stack. He brings his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he squeezes his eyes shut.

It’s childish to be hurt because he and Lu Han aren’t dating. They haven’t been friends that long, and it’s unfair to Lu Han for Joonmyun to think there was anything more. But seeing Lu Han with Minseok just set something off in him. There’s this ache in his heart that he’d hoped he’d never feel again when Kris left. It’s not possible to feel like this for someone whom he met through a kissing experiment not too long ago. Joonmyun can’t have grown to like Lu Han more than he should. He can’t.

He stretches his legs in front of him and nods his head before taking a deep breath. This won’t do. Joonmyun can’t feel like this and be jealous. Lu Han is dating Minseok. If he can’t take that, he might as well stop being friends with him, and Joonmyun can’t do that. At the very least, he still wants to be friends with Lu Han. For as long as he can take it.

Armed with this resolution, he stands up and gets back to shelving the books.










Joonmyun ends up hanging out with Lu Han and Minseok more than he ever expected to. He has nothing against Minseok; the guy is too much of a nice guy for Joonmyun to even think badly of him. But it’s hard when, every time they’re together, Lu Han and Minseok sit too close to each other, get to touchy, and laugh at their inside jokes. Joonmyun even catches them giving each other these ‘glances’ that makes Joonmyun just wish he wasn’t even there anymore.

He never refuses Lu Han’s invitations to go out, though. There are still days when they hang out just the two of them. Joonmyun likes those days the most. Because then he can have Lu Han all to himself, even if temporarily, even if it’s just pretending.

“You really like reading, don’t you?” Lu Han asks, sounding contemplative. Joonmyun looks up at him from his breakfast and his book. He’s still reading ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’. “Your nose is always buried in a book.”

“You’re one to talk,” Joonmyun teases, marking the page he’s at and closing the paperback. Lu Han likes reading a lot. Joonmyun likes it when Lu Han reads, too, because Lu Han always mouths the words, whether they’re English, Japanese or French. He’s decided that he likes it when Lu Han speaks in a foreign language. It just sounds so sexy.

“But I read because I need to. It’s for my job mostly,” Lu Han elaborates. “Not that I don’t enjoy it. But you read because you want to. There’s almost something really eager about you reading books.”

“Well,” Joonmyun says, leaving his hand on the cover. “I can’t always go on adventures. Reading books lets me have them even when I don’t have to leave.”

“Hmm. You’re even more absorbed in them these days. They make you more quiet somehow.” Lu Han is looking up from him from where he’s slicing the French toast on his plate.

They’re supposed to be having just a quick breakfast because Joonmyun is taking Lu Han to the carnival afterwards as a surprise. Joonmyun just wanted to have some time to have kiddie fun with him and watch Lu Han scream on the rides or maybe win Joonmyun a stuffed toy in one of the games. But, somehow, it’s become a time for Lu Han to sort of delve into Joonmyun.

Joonmyun just smiles at him. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Lu Han says with a shrug. “Are you sure everything’s okay?” There’s a line in between his eyebrows that Joonmyun wants to pat and straighten as his way to tell him not to worry.

“Yes,” Joonmyun assures him. Because everything is fine. He may be jealous and sad that Lu Han already has a boyfriend, but there’s really nothing he can do about that. It’s also not something he can tell Lu Han about. “Now eat up so we can hurry.”

“Where are you even taking me?” Lu Han demands, leaning across the table. “I should tell someone I’m with you in case I go missing.” His laughter is loud, carrying across to other patrons, who look startled.

Joonmyun straightens his back and bites his lower lip as he moves the food around on his plate with his fork. “Of course you should tell Minseok,” he agrees. Lu Han’s eyes widen slightly at that, but Joonmyun doesn’t notice. “Tell him I’ll bring you back safely. I promise.” He then looks up and grins so wide that Lu Han is startled into a smile. “Now, hurry up.”










Joonmyun is half amused, half horrified—mostly horrified—when he finds out that Lu Han is afraid of riding rollercoasters. He’d immediately gone straight to the rollercoaster because those are the highlights of carnivals, after all, and because he thought Lu Han would want to. Lu Han’s always struck Joonmyun as the type who was adventurous and wouldn’t back out of anything. But, as soon as they reached the queue for the rollercoaster, Lu Han had grabbed Joonmyun’s hand and gripped it so tightly.

“It’s really okay—“ Joonmyun starts.

“This isn’t really something I share with people,” Lu Han tells Joonmyun as he worries his lower lip and looks around them. “I mean, you always want to put your best foot forward, right?”

“Lu Han, it’s okay,” Joonmyun assures him, squeezing his hand. “I should be the one apologizing. I didn’t know. We don’t have to go on anything that scares you.”

“I’m not scared,” Lu Han immediately quips, sucking his lower lip in as soon as he says it. “I’d just rather we did something else, like play games, maybe?”

“Okay,” Joonmyun says, letting go of Lu Han’s hand and patting his shoulder instead. “That we can definitely do.”

They end up spending most of the day playing games, which Joonmyun finds is so much more fun to do with Lu Han because Lu Han is so enthusiastic on trying everything more than once. And while Joonmyun doesn’t really win anything because he really sucks at games, Lu Han spent so much just so he could get Joonmyun that cute penguin stuffed toy that he randomly said was cute.

So now, Joonmyun is walking around the carnival, with the sun setting behind them, like a teenage girl whose boyfriend has just gotten her a prize in the manliest way. Joonmyun, however, isn’t a teenage girl, therefore, he isn’t grinning like a giddy schoolgirl. He really isn’t. Joonmyun presses his lips together to keep himself from smiling too much, or smiling at all.

“I was good, wasn’t I?” Lu Han is smiling with one end of his lips higher than the other, flexing his arm muscles like he just went to battle for the penguin to give to Joonmyun. He nods his head. “Of course I was,” he says then ends up laughing when Joonmyun side glances at him. “You wanted that penguin so I had to get it for you.”

“You didn’t have to,” Joonmyun corrects him, his cheeks pinking much to his horror. This just seems to make Lu Han laugh even more though. “But thank you.”

“You are so cute,” Lu Han chuckles, putting an arm around him and bringing him close enough that the crown of Joonmyun’s head is on Lu Han’s cheek. “You’re very welcome. So, what do you want to do next? Did you want to go on any rides? I can hold your penguin for you.”

“You don’t want to go on the Ferris wheel with me?” Joonmyun asks, stopping in his tracks and looks up at the ride. He’s also hoping against hope that Lu Han would remove his arm from around him so they wouldn’t have to stand so close. Joonmyun can feel Lu Han breath on his hair and all he wants to do is lean into him.

“Oh,” Lu Han says, voice suddenly high pitched. He does take his arm back, much to Joonmyun’s relief. “Well, sure. Ferris wheel sounds fine. I mean it’s not like it’s going to topple over, right?” He laughs, scratching the back of his neck.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Joonmyun says, looking Lu Han over. There are beads of sweat lining his forehead and he has his fists slightly clenched as if he’s in pain over something. “I mean, if you want to get a snack or something and then we can go.”

“No!” Lu Han says, shaking his head. He then wraps an arm around Joonmyun’s waist and drags both of them to the entrance of the Ferris wheel. “It’s fine. You want to go, so let’s go.”

“But it’s not really—“ Joonmyun starts, but keeps quiet when Lu Han pushes him to get in the gondola when the attendant waves them over. Lu Han gets inside as well, sliding right beside him, gripping the handrails in the middle of the gondola. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’re going to—“

“Fine,” Lu Han squeaks, looking everywhere else but at Joonmyun and out of the window when they start to move upwards. “I’m fine. Just—“ He yelps and squeezes his eyes shut when they reach the very top.

“Lu Han, are you…?” Joonmyun reaches for him and pulls him close, letting Lu Han rest his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder. He’s trembling and Joonmyun sighs, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were afraid of heights and not just rollercoasters?”

Lu Han just shakes his head, his hair rubbing against Joonmyun’s sweater. He finds Joonmyun’s other hand and holds onto it like his life depended on it. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still closed. “I wish Minseok were here. I’m sorry.”

Joonmyun cringes out of his own accord and leans his head back on the gondola window. When someone is afraid or in trouble, they normally look for the person they trust the most. In this case, for Lu Han, it’s Minseok. He fights the urge to let a bitter laugh escape from his lips as he untangles his hand from Lu Han’s for a second to take his phone out.

Maybe it’s time for him to accept what he should have right from the beginning.










Joonmyun watches as Minseok walks away with Lu Han in his arms before turning around and stuffing his hands in his pockets to be on his way.










“Oh hey!” Jongdae’s voice carries across the bookstore, making Joonmyun just grip the book he’s holding tighter and read more intently. “Uh, Joonmyun’s not here right now.”

Joonmyun puts the book down on his lap when he hears Lu Han’s voice. “Oh, can you just give this to him then? I stopped by earlier and figured he’d want some. I know red velvet are his favorite.” He closes his eyes and leans his head back on the shelf. It hasn’t been that long, only a couple of days, but he really misses Lu Han already.

“I’ll make sure to get this to him,” Joonmyun hears Jongdae say. “I promise I won’t eat them—oh you got one especially for me! Are you trying to buy my affections, too?” Jongdae cackles.

“I’m not trying to buy anyone’s affections,” Lu Han says, laughing along. “But I figured you can share this with your boyfriend, Sehun.”

The sound of Jongdae choking is loud and Joonmyun can help but chuckle into his hand. “Well, thanks,” Jongdae says. “I’ll give this to Joonmyun hyung and let him know you dropped by. He’s just really busy these days and prefers to work elsewhere and have me man the shop in the meantime.”

“Thanks, Jongdae. Tell Joonmyun I miss him.” Lu Han’s voice is loud and rings through the store right to where Joonmyun is. Joonmyun sighs and picks his book up again, flipping through the pages.

It wasn’t the most mature of decisions that Joonmyun’s ever done, ignoring Lu Han. But Joonmyun feels like it’s also what’s best for him at the moment. While Lu Han’s friendship is important to him, Joonmyun’s heart is important too. He’d given too much of it away in the past, almost leaving nothing for himself, and when he got his heart broken, he figured it was about time he took better care of his heart. That’s just what Joonmyun’s doing. He’s just making sure that his heart is okay.

A box drops right onto his lap. Joonmyun jumps, his knees hit the box, sending it sliding to the floor, while he thumps his head backwards on the shelf. He groans bowing his head and cradling it with his hands.

“Must be karma,” Jongdae announces when he sits on the floor across Joonmyun. “For ignoring Lu Han.” He has an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed across his chest.

“I’m not,” Joonmyun lies, straightening up and patting the back of his head. But he ignores Jongdae’s gaze and settles it on the rectangular white box.

“They’re a dozen red velvet cupcakes,” Jongdae tells him. “Which you don’t deserve if I were to be honest.”

Joonmyun takes the box and opens them when he’s placed them on his lap. A dozen red velvet cupcakes. Exactly like the ones they’ve had when they hung out in one of the coffee shops. Joonmyun had raved about them, saying that it was probably the best ones he’s tasted.

“You are,” Joonmyun says. He closes the box and looks at Jongdae. “Being honest, I mean.” There’s a note on the box that says Joonmyun, I know you like these. Enjoy! See you soon! Good luck with your work and I hope you get less busy so you can come see me again! I miss you. – Lu Han. He traces the words with his fingertips. He doesn’t understand why Lu Han makes so much of an effort for him.

“He’s been coming to see you everyday for the past two weeks. You’ve also been ignoring his calls,” Jongdae starts, voice soft, as if assessing Joonmyun’s openness to talk. “He’s not stupid, hyung. He knows something is up. Why do you think he’s resorted to giving gifts, even to me? Although Sehun really will love the cupcakes when I share them with him.” He grins.

Joonmyun chuckles and takes a deep breath. “It’s just what I think is best for now,” he explains, fingers still tracing Lu Han’s note.

“Hyung.” Joonmyun can hear the frown in his voice, and the apprehension of what he’s about to say next. “I know you… have feelings for him. But, I mean, are you going to let him having a boyfriend stop your friendship?”

Joonmyun worries his lower lip, sucking them in his mouth after a while. There’s so much to take into consideration. Mixing friendship and feelings has always felt complicated to him. It’s really not that simple because friendship is so important. Having Lu Han in his life is so important and, while Joonmyun isn’t exactly showing that with his actions, he really feels it’s better this way for now.

“You know I really didn’t think he was in a relationship when we first met,” Joonmyun suddenly starts, making Jongdae sit up straighter, rapt with attention. Joonmyun still remembers the way Lu Han walked in, looking carefree and handsome, grabbing the attention of everyone and everything in the room.

“How did you two meet?” Jongdae asks, and Joonmyun realizes that he’s never really told Jongdae.
“Through a kiss,” Joonmyun tells him, laughing when Jongdae’s eyes practically bug out.

“What do you mean through a kiss?” Jongdae presses, leaning forward, chin resting on his palm. “What does that mean?”

“I mean that we kissed the first time we met,” Joonmyun says, his cheeks turning a pretty shade of red. The memory of that kiss still sends shivers down his spine. All he’s wanted after that is to do it again. But there’s no chance of that now.

“Hyung, you’re going to have to explain further or I’m just going to assume you went around kissing random strangers on the street,” Jongdae insists. He’s wiggling his feet, which is usually a sign of impatience from him,

“It was Baekhyun’s experiment,” Joonmyun reminds him. “The one I went to. We were told that we were going to kiss strangers for the first time.” He chuckles; the apprehension that he’d felt when he heard that. He was glad he did it with Lu Han. He was the biggest factor why everything turned out okay.

Jongdae is gritting his teeth when Joonmyun looks at his reaction. “I really don’t know whether I should thank him or wrangle his neck,” he says. “Well if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have met Lu Han and this wouldn’t have—“

“I’d rather I met him,” Joonmyun interjects, voice soft and calm as he shakes his head. “I’ve never minded meeting him.” He shrugs. “Even if it had to happen like this. Lu Han’s a good friend, a good person. Anyone who knows him is lucky.”

“Well how long are you planning to avoid him and make him woo you?” Jongdae wants to know, leaning back, obvious in his attempt to make the subject less serious and less sad.

“He is not wooing me,” Joonmyun corrects him, shaking himself out of his wistfulness. Wooing sounds too romantic, and there shouldn’t be any romance associated between him and Lu Han.

Jongdae rubs his cheeks with his hands. “Hyung, will you just talk to him?” he pleads. “I’m sure he’ll understand and then he’ll stop worrying that you won’t ever speak to him again.”

Joonmyun chuckles, and, even to his ears, it sound bitter. “Why would he care if I ever do? Why would anyone?” he says the last bit even softer, but Jongdae clearly hears it if the indignant squawk that comes out of his mouth is any indication.

“Hyung, I don’t know which planet you’ve been living on, but you are one of the people I would never ever want to lose,” Jongdae tells him, scooting forward so he can bend down and catch Joonmyun’s gaze. Jongdae’s eyes are wide and earnest. “I know you don’t believe when people compliment you or promise you things because your dick of an ex-boyfriend made you lose trust. But you’re the type of person who care so much about someone else and show it in how you pay attention to someone. Like with me, you’ve memorized my schedule better than I do and sometimes I don’t even have to ask and you just tell me to go home to study for my exam. Really, hyung, it’s impossible that Lu Han isn’t worried about losing you.”

“I can always count on you to butter me up,” Joonmyun teases, reaching out and patting Jongdae’s cheek. “Thank you, Jongdae.” He takes his hand back and places it back on the box. “I guess I just need to take time just to assess where I am in the whole situation, in my friendship with him. I want to be fair to him, too. I don’t want him to keep hanging out with me, only for find out that I’ve been harboring these feelings for him.”

“Having feelings for him isn’t a bad thing, you know,” Jongdae quips. “If anything it’s a good thing. It means you’re ready to love again.” Joonmyun forces back the cynical laughter that bubbles from his throat. “I’m serious, though, hyung. You should just talk to him.”

“Soon,” Joonmyun gives in, his eyes on Lu Han’s words. I miss you. Tell Joonmyun I miss him. “Maybe.”










Joonmyun decides to prolong his agony even further. He keeps justifying his actions, telling himself that he just needs to get over his feelings already so that when he does face Lu Han, it will be easier to get back into how things were before. So Joonmyun continues to avoid going to the bookstore whenever he can and hides in the back when it happens that Lu Han visits when he’s there. It’s terrible for him to do so but he’s just not ready to face Lu Han and be disappointed to find that the feelings are still there.

He just keeps telling himself that it really is better this way. Minseok already knows that they’ve kissed when he and Lu Han met. If he finds out that Joonmyun actually has feelings for Lu Han, wouldn’t that be kind of cheating? Of all the times he chose to be adventurous, this is what happens.

Joonmyun grabs a flute of wine from a passing waiter and drinks half of it. Looking around, he’s not entirely sure what he’s doing here, but it’s always good to be in the company of book authors and publishers. It’s always nice when he gets to chat to at least one or two authors who are willing to discuss what they’ve been working on.

He finishes his wine and another waiter swoops in to replace his empty wineglass. He takes another sip, smaller this time, and looks around for someone who isn’t deep into conversation with someone else. But when Joonmyun turns around, he seems someone whom he wasn’t expecting to see.

The lady is around the same height as him, maybe slightly taller, with beautiful long black hair and red lipstick, making her porcelain looking skin even more dazzling. She’s wearing a nicely fitted red sleeveless dress that accentuates her curves with black stilettos. Joonmyun wonders who she is? And why Minseok has his arm around her and is whispering into her ear so intimately? Joonmyun’s thoughts immediately go to Lu Han and he clenches his fists as a reaction. He finishes his drink in one gulp and makes his way over to them.

Minseok spots Joonmyun around the time that the girl in his arms excuses herself and walks away. Joonmyun tries to smile when Minseok greets him with a big smile. Too big for someone who is doing something so appalling and in public, too.

“Hey!” Minseok claps him on the shoulder. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Me, too,” Joonmyun admits. He hasn’t seen Minseok since that evening at the carnival. He tries very hard not to remember that night, or that day for that matter. “So… your date’s very pretty,” he blurts out, unable to help himself any longer. With his heart pounding in his chest, he looks around and finds the mentioned lady talking to a couple of people by the buffet table.

“Victoria?” Minseok’s face blooms into a smile. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he says, looking at Victoria as well, and his voice is not just proud. It’s also affectionate. She notices his gaze and returns his smile with a small wave.

Joonmyun clears his throat. “Does Lu Han know?” he asks. He doesn’t see any point in beating around the bush, not when Minseok isn’t hiding that he has something going on with this Victoria girl. “I mean…” He gestures in her direction, grabbing another drink when he sees a waiter. He needs more alcohol for this. He doesn’t understand the sudden bravery, but he knows that Lu Han deserves more than this.

“Does Lu Han know what?” Minseok asks, eyebrows furrowing together.

“That you have… I mean… Victoria,” Joonmyun stammers. He doesn’t know how to do this. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe Minseok isn’t cheating. “Never mind.”

Minseok is staring at him. There’s something in his gaze that’s hard and piercing that Joonmyun chooses to busy himself with his drink. “Have you talked to Lu Han?” he asks.

Joonmyun just shakes his head and takes a deep breath. He should go. “Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I should go,” he babbles. Before Minseok can stop him, he’s made his way through the crowd, even accidentally bumping into Victoria, and out of the door.

Outside, he takes a very deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. What was he thinking? It wasn’t his business. He doesn’t even really know Minseok and for him to say something that would have made him uncomfortable… Joonmyun just doesn’t know what’s going on with him anymore. Having Lu Han in his life and feeling too much for him has made him careless. It all makes sense now, though. Lu Han and Minseok must have broken up and Minseok must have moved on already. It makes him feel even more terrible. He’s not even around for a friend who’s in need.

“Joonmyun?” Baekhyun is peering at him with wide, wondering eyes. “It’s you! Hey!”

“Hi,” Joonmyun returns, surprised. He looks around and wonders where Baekhyun came from. “How are you? Were you also in the party?” He gestures behind him.

Baekhyun just rolls his eyes. “Ever so polite,” he teases. “I practically know you. I’ve seen you making out; quite passionately I may add, with my friend. How is that going by the way?”

“I—what do you mean?” Joonmyun asks, taking a step back and playing with his fingers when Baekhyun practically leers at him. “How is Lu Han doing?”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, his smile turning upside down.

“I just… he must be having a hard time,” Joonmyun tries to explain himself, pressing his palms together. “It’s not easy, getting over a relationship.” Baekhyun raises his eyebrows. “I just found out that he and Minseok broke up. I just ran into Minseok and he was with this girl, Victoria, so I assumed…” Joonmyun trails away and holds his breath, staring at his shoes and wanting to know the truth. He really hopes he’s right and that Minseok really isn’t cheating on Lu Han.

“Lu Han’s… fine,” Baekhyun finally says after a couple of seconds of silence. “You should talk to him, though. He still could use a friend.” He pauses. “He gets pretty sick of me so he’ll appreciate having you to talk to.”

Joonmyun bursts into sardonic laughter. “I’m not a very good friend.”










Joonmyun has never really been that brave. He hates confrontation and hides his woes and worries behind his books because it is so much easier. In the few months before he and Kris had broken up, he’d known that there was something wrong. Kris had been going out by himself more often, telling Joonmyun he’s just busy with review classes and tutoring and the like. Until such time that Joonmyun just found out that Kris had been accepted to a college program in Canada, where he was also going finish his schooling.

Joonmyun couldn’t understand why Kris didn’t just tell him that he had applied to such a program and why he had to keep it a secret. All Kris said was that Joonmyun liked his comfort and it just wouldn’t be feasible for both of them to move to Canada, not when Joonmyun is still studying and when he they both have different dreams. Joonmyun just stood there and watched Kris walk away.

There were two things he could have done differently. Joonmyun could have confronted Kris right at the time when he knew something was starting to go wrong and he could have stopped Kris from leaving and have had a talk about their paths and their relationship. But he didn’t because Joonmyun is a coward.

So when Baekhyun told him to talk to Lu Han, Joonmyun hadn’t even really considered it. Joonmyun doesn’t want take advantage of Lu Han and his feelings when he’s in a vulnerable place. Joonmyun knows himself, knows what he’ll do. He would want to take care of Lu Han and, in the process of doing so, just want to keep doing it and it would just hurt because he knows he can’t take care of Lu Han the way that he wants to. He can’t—

“Lu Han, what are you doing here?” Joonmyun yelps because Lu Han, looking cold and windswept, is standing in front of the bookstore. It’s not even 8:30 and Joonmyun’s just about to open but Lu Han looks like he’s been waiting a while.

Joonmyun unlocks the door and lets them both in. He finds Lu Han a seat and leaves him alone by the counter for a while because there are several things he needs to do around the shop before they open for the day. It’s also Joonmyun’s only opportunity to gather himself because he was not prepared to see Lu Han at all for a while.

He doesn’t go and talk to him at once when he’s done. Instead, Joonmyun peeks in between some books in one of the shelves and just looks at Lu Han. He’s changed the color his hair. When it was previously blond, it’s now a dark chocolate brown, that makes him look more serious, more manly, and even more handsome. Joonmyun swallows and touches his knuckles to his cheek because he’s sure his cheeks are red. Even though, Lu Han hair looks like it hasn’t really been combed and even though he looks tired, he’s still as handsome as ever. Joonmyun really missed seeing him.

“How are you doing?” Joonmyun asks, coming back out when he thinks he’s done enough ogling.

Lu Han scoffs to Joonmyun’s surprise. “Do I look like I’m doing okay?” He purses his lips and shakes his head a bit. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joonmyun asks after a short silence, where Lu Han just stares at his knees. He’s not sure why he’s asking because he knows it’s going to break his heart when Lu Han starts crying about his broken heart but he asks anyway. Because it’s what he should do as Lu Han’s friend. Even if it’ll break his own heart.

Lu Han shakes his head. He straightens up and tries on a smile. “How are you? It’s good seeing you. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“We’ve both been busy,” Joonmyun says as casual as he can, lifting one of his shoulders as he tentatively smiles back. “I’ve been trying to secure more books for the shop and have been attending several events. I’ve also been planning some improvements for this store.”

“What kind of improvements?” Lu Han asks. He’s stopped tapping his fingers on his thigh and shifts in his seat towards Joonmyun.

“I’m thinking of putting up some sort of language tutoring center of some sort at the back,” Joonmyun explains. It’s true that he has thought about this, but not recently like he’s implying. “Nothing big. Just maybe one or two students and see how it works out.” Even so, at least Lu Han has proof that Joonmyun has been busy.

Lu Han doesn’t really say anything to that and Joonmyun just allows the silence. They both don’t talk about the fact that Lu Han is a foreign language professor.

Joonmyun takes an inaudible deep breath and leans against the counter, eyes on the computer screen instead of on Lu Han, who’s now hunched again, fingers tapping an absent rhythm on his thigh once more. Lu Han looks really sad, that brightness in his eyes isn’t there, only leaving flat dark eyes.

“Lu Han,” Joonmyun starts softly. “I’m sorry about what happened.” Lu Han looks up at him with wide, expectant eyes. “I was really surprised when I found out. I mean for him to have replaced you so easily…” Joonmyun shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “You must be having a hard time. I know how much he meant to you.”

“Who?” Lu Han blinks several times.

“Minseok,” Joonmyun answers, frowning. Who else would he be talking about? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about him. You must not want to and I understand that.” He stares at the counter for several seconds before straightening up. “I’ll get you some tea,” he offers.

But Lu Han gets up from his seat and stops Joonmyun with a hand on his arm. “Is that why? Is that what this whole thing was about, why you’ve been ignoring me?”

Joonmyun is hit with how blunt Lu Han is. “I’m not ignoring you,” he’s quick to say. “Like what I said, I’ve just been really busy.”

Lu Han looks at him, as if he’s studying him. “So you ignoring me for several weeks has nothing to do with the fact that you think Minseok and I have been dating?” he clarifies. “Because we’re not.”

“No,” Joonmyun firmly states, even when his heart feels like it’s being squeezed at the disclosure. It shouldn’t be like this. He shouldn’t be hoping so much. “We’re friends. I’m your friend. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He really wouldn’t. He wouldn’t fall in love with a friend. He wouldn’t fall in love again.

“Wouldn’t do what to me?” Lu Han asks, and he looks baffled.

Joonmyun stares at the ground before he gets the courage to meet Lu Han’s gaze. “Have… feelings for you when I shouldn’t,” he admits, feeling like his breath is getting choked out of him. “I wouldn’t lie to you like that. And I didn’t,” he hurriedly adds.

Lu Han is quiet and Joonmyun thinks it’s his time to leave. It may not have been exactly a confession because he took it back. But it was true all the same. He can’t take advantage of Lu Han and his friendship with him. Before Joonmyun can take a step towards the back and maybe bury himself under the concrete, Lu Han stops him again.

“What if I did?” Lu Han asks. His face is serious, but his eyes are sincere and pressing. Joonmyun looks at him questioningly. “Lie to you. About having feelings.”

Joonmyun stands there in disbelief. It’s not possible. Lu Han can’t be saying what Joonmyun think he’s saying. “Are you…?”

“What if I am?” Lu Ha says, taking a step forward, close enough for him to reach for Joonmyun’s hand if he wanted to.

“You…” Joonmyun shakes his head and smiles to himself. There is no way that Lu Han… He was with Minseok. They just broke up. Joonmyun can’t.

“I’ve always liked you, Joonmyun,” Lu Han tells him, just as the bell above the door tinkles and a customer walks in. “Right that moment when we first met. I’ve never met anyone who is so confident of himself that he doesn’t care to eat by himself and—“

“What?” Joonmyun asks, seeing the new customer browsing around but looking back at Lu Han. “What are you talking about?” They met at Baekhyun’s shoot.

Lu Han chuckles. “I guess I’m the only one who remembers,” he says, shrugging. “It doesn’t matter. But I am telling the truth. I’ve liked you since the beginning and then when we kissed… well, I think that sealed the deal for me. You don’t know how happy I was that we saw each other again. I was stupid not to have gotten your number before I left after the shoot.” He shakes his head, chuckling. “Joonmyun, I’ve had these feelings for you for quite some time now. I think there’s a big chance that I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Joonmyun stares at Lu Han with wide eyes. This is what he wants. This is what he’s always wanted to hear. Because, even if Lu Han is unsure, Joonmyun does know that he’s in love with Lu Han and he’ll take what he can get.

The customer clears her throat, however, before Joonmyun can say anything. Joonmyun gives Lu Han an apologetic look before attending to the customer, who looks amused more than anything. He helps her to the back to look for a book with Lu Han’s confession runs in his mind.

Lu Han, the incredibly attractive and model-like guy, who kisses so well, speaks four languages, who is adventurous, smart, funny, and is so sweet has just told him that he might be in love with him. The Lu Han, who was dating Minseok but now isn’t. Joonmyun isn’t sure how to take that. They obviously have to talk more.

But when Joonmyun comes back to the front, Lu Han is gone.










It takes Joonmyun a day to process what happened but he does go after Lu Han almost immediately after that. He tries calling him but Lu Han’s phone is turned off. So he does the next best thing and goes to the building where the kiss shoot was held to look for Baekhyun.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun snaps. “I swear to god, Joonmyun, I think you’ve done enough—“

“I’m looking for him,” Joonmyun cuts him off, dancing on the balls of his feet as he looks around the place. It’s still empty save for the same furniture he’s seen the day of the shoot. “We talked yesterday and he said some things—“

“Like what, that he loves you?” Baekhyun snorts. “I bet you didn’t expect that, huh? Even after all the time you guys spent together. Even when he did all sorts of things to woo you, even bringing you to watch a French movie with him. If that didn’t make you wonder…” He shakes his head. “Because you thought he was dating Minseok, who is his best friend, and who is dating Victoria.” He rolls his eyes and Joonmyun turns red.

“I’m sorry okay?” Joonmyun says. “But that’s why I’m here. I’m looking for him because I need him to listen to me and make him understand. I haven’t even gotten around to explaining my side. But he left before I could even process what he said, before I even go the chance to say anything.”

“Well then,” Baekhyun says, glancing at the wall clock hanging on the vast wall by itself. “You better hurry up.” Joonmyun wets his lips. “He’s at the airport. He has a flight to Beijing. You better catch him if you ever want to see him at all before he goes away forever.“

Joonmyun doesn’t even wait for Baekhyun to finish, even forgets to thank him, and rushes out of there. This is the time that he has to step up. Because even the slightest possibility that he won’t see Lu Han again without having told him that he felt the same way wasn’t acceptable. Of course that probably wouldn’t make Lu Han stay. But Joonmyun can try at the very least. It’s time to be brave.










“Lu Han!”

Joonmyun runs across the airport, squeezing in between people and jumping over luggage just to get to Lu Han, who’s stopped walking and has turned around, mouth open, as he watches Joonmyun make a dramatic fool of himself.

“What are you doing here?” Lu Han asks. He looks behind Joonmyun before looking at Joonmyun. “How did you know I was here?”

“Baekhyun told me,” Joonmyun says. “But that’s not important. I came here because I needed to talk to you.”

“Look, Joonmyun, I understand—“ Lu Han says.

“No, that’s the thing, you don’t,” Joonmyun interrupts him, waving his hands around. “You didn’t wait for me to respond, to explain—”

“I don’t see what else is there for me to—“

“Minseok’s not your boyfriend!” Joonmyun blurts out. Saying it a lot hurts Joonmyun because it’s the one nagging thought that made him make stupid decisions and waste so much time.

“Minseok needed a friend when he moved to Beijing,” Lu Han tells him, running a hand through his already messy hair. “My classmates weren’t so nice to him because he was new and because he didn’t speak Mandarin that well. I made it a point to be his friend. I punched a classmate in the fact when they made fun of him.” He sighs when Joonmyun pouts because he was so stupid. “I could never date Minseok. Maybe once upon a time I thought about it. But he’s a straight as a fiddle and he’s incredibly in love with his girlfriend.”

“Victoria,” Joonmyun points out.

“Right,” Lu Han confirms with a nod.

“I’m sorry,” Joonmyun starts, his head bowed down as he looks at Lu Han. “I really didn’t realize… I was too…” He puffs out his cheeks.

There’s a smile lingering on the corners of Lu Han’s lips. “Go on,” he encourages.

“There’s a reason why I like books so much,” Joonmyun restarts, “why I’d rather read travel books than actually travel. Because it’s safe. Reading isn’t dangerous compared to leaving your life in the hands of some unknown pilot and going to do actual traveling.” Lu Han opens his mouth to probably retort but Joonmyun nods in agreement before he can even say anything. “I know. That’s not really a way to live. But reading is how I’ve kept my heart safe for four years, how I’ve managed to get back on my own two feet, with no one to depend on, why my heart in tact and whole.”

Lu Han’s eyebrows are furrowed and Joonmyun really wants to smoothen them, so he does. He steps forward and does exactly that. He hands fall to the side of Lu Han’s face, lightly skimming his skin before resting on his shoulder.

“I lied, too, you know,” Joonmyun continues, playing with his fingers. Lu Han tilts his head curiously. “Ever since I’ve met you, I kept on wondering what I was doing not putting myself out there if it meant getting to meet people like you. I kept on thinking that maybe it was time for me to start dating again. So I did.” He chuckles when he drops his hand from Lu Han’s shoulder. “When I thought you and Minseok were dating…”

“But we aren’t,” Lu Han repeats. “I’m not dating anyone.”

“I know that now,” Joonmyun says, voice almost a whisper. He takes another step forward. “You’re so bright and unforgettable, Lu Han, that I couldn’t stop having feelings for you even when my heart broke at the thought you were taken by someone else.” Lu Han’s mouth hangs open in a way that shouldn’t be attractive but still is just because he’s Lu Han. He breathes deeply, looking into Lu Han’s eyes. “I told myself that I wouldn’t put myself in a position where I could get hurt again, but you’ve made me forget about that. You made me want to be adventurous, to try new things and be open again, to date, to fall in love again.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lu Han says, voice raspy and eyes suspiciously glassy.

“Say you won’t go.” Joonmyun is jumping leaps and bounds out of his comfort zone. “Because I think there’s a big chance that I’ve fallen in love with you, too.”

“You’re an idiot,” Lu Han mutters and then he’s grabbing Joonmyun by the neck and kissing him.

Lu Han’s lips are still as soft as he remembers, but, somehow, they taste sweeter. Nothing is more perfect than love and affection that is returned and shared. He presses closer to Lu Han and wraps his arms around Lu Han’s waist. Lu Han wraps him even closer by circling his own arms around Joonmyun’s neck. Their slips slide against each other easily, like it’s familiar, as if this isn’t just the second time they’re kissing. To Joonmyun, it really is like getting another chance at heaven.

“So does this mean you’re staying?” Joonmyun asks, his breath ghosting on Lu Han’s lips.

Lu Han bows his head, his forehead resting on Joonmyun’s neck. “I don’t know what Baekhyun’s told you, but I was never really going away,” he says. He pulls away and looks at Joonmyun’s confused expression. “I’m only going to be gone for two days.” Joonmyun grits his teeth, his cheeks pink, as Lu Han continues laughing. “I like that you were ready to go all Korean drama on me.”

Joonmyun cups Lu Han’s face. “I promised myself I wouldn’t just allow the one I love to just walk away again,” he says, pressing a kiss to Lu Han’s forehead. “Especially not you.”

“It’s a good thing that I’m actually not walking away then,” Lu Han replies before kissing him again.










“I’m trying to work here,” Joonmyun says as he sorts the new books that he’s just bought—or he tries to anyway. Except he really can’t do much with Lu Han kissing his shoulders.

“It’s not even time to open yet,” Lu Han interjects, his voice muffled as he kisses along the back of Joonmyun’s neck. “We have some time.”

“Do you have some bookstore kink I don’t know about?” Joonmyun gasps the last word out as Lu Han slips a hand inside his shirt, his stomach caving in at the sudden contact.

“Wouldn’t you like to find out,” Lu Han says, leaving teasing kisses on his neck.

“Lu Han—“

“Oh my god! Can you guys not?” Jongdae yells from the door. He has his hand covering his eyes.

Joonmyun nudges Lu Han away and runs his fingers through his hair to fix it. He’s pretty sure his face is a dark shade of red; especially with the way Lu Han is cackling behind him. “We weren’t doing anything wrong,” he says defensively.

“Sure,” Jongdae says, uncovering his eyes completely when he’s sure that he isn’t going to be scarred any further. “If you think sexual intercourse in public isn’t wrong.”

“We weren’t have sex,” Joonmyun splutters. “We were just—“

“Yeah, yeah,” Jongdae says, waving him and Lu Han away from the counter. “Don’t you have a class?” he then demands from Lu Han, who glances at the clock and curses.

“I have to go,” Lu Han tells Joonmyun apologetically. “I’ll come by later and pick you up when all my classes are done.” He smiles when he leans in for a kiss.

“I’ll be here,” Joonmyun assures him, meeting Lu Han halfway and giving him a short, but sweet, kiss on the lips.

“Bye,” Lu Han says, pecking him on the lips once more before grabbing his bag and making his way to the door. “Bye Jongdae!” Jongdae just rolls his eyes in response.

Joonmyun smiles goofily as he watches Lu Han disappear through the door. Joonmyun never thought this could happen to him again. He didn’t think, after being heartbroken and guarding his heart so much, that he would find anyone who would make him want to tear down the walls around his heart and love again. Lu Han had pierced through his defenses right from the start and had continued to tear the walls down ever since then. Now, there’s not one wall standing. Joonmyun’s heart is out in the open and vulnerable, but he doesn’t feel afraid. Because he knows that Lu Han has taken it upon himself to guard Joonmyun’s heart for him. Joonmyun is only so willing to let him do so.

Joonmyun sighs with that big, almost scary grin on his face. They have plans to go to London next month. Lu Han still has his apartment there and Joonmyun can’t wait to see with his own eyes the places that he’s only seen and read about in books. Things are starting to come to life for him, and it’s all because of Lu Han.

Who would have thought things would happen like this?

And all it started with was a kiss.
 

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I loved this so so much <3

[(Anonymous)]

this was sweet and satisfying instead of making me want to barf from the cheesyness.
i identified with joonmyeon almost immediately and i was like OMG JOONMYEON IS ME, then when luhan kissed him i was like GDI I WISH I WAS JOONMYEON.
luhan was so incredibly attractive in this fic i just-- o<< i have no words. his characterization was extremely appealing. and imagining luhan speaking french just sent chills down my spine.
jongdae comparing joonmyeon's grin to that of a (greasy) shark - 100% accurate.
the last sentence made me think of the taiwanese drama it started with a kiss lol.
thanks for sharing this~ i enjoyed reading it.

[(Anonymous)]

I barely read suhan, but it's because of the lack of suhan in the fandom.

This one is a nice read. Junmyeon burying himself on books because he's afraid of heartbreak. Awww baby come here and let noona pet you. But then Jongdae is there to do it for you! Ugh!

Luhan as a language professor! Luhan speaking french! Girl you're giving me unwarranted feels over Luhan's character here! I'm imagining him as a really hot and intelligent person. *___*

Baekhyun's character is pretty weird here.......

But at least suhan kissed!

The ending with Junmyeon trying to avoid Luhan was a bit sad, but I'm glad it all worked out well in the end. :3

[(Anonymous)]

Loved this to pieces!
Already reread it within the day!
Thanks sooooo much for sharing!